Well 2008, here we are. The dance is almost over and it’s very nearly time for you to go.
We’ve been together for 12 months now, and there’s something I want to say before we go our separate ways. Something special, just for you.
2008…..I know you’re just a way of marking time, and I know there’s nothing all that personal between us. You didn’t know what the year was going to be like. It was as big a surprise to you as it was to me. The writing from day to day wasn’t there when we first met. It unfolded, a day at a time, for you just like it did for me.
But there is something I want to say, and I’m searching for the right words.
OK….here it is. 2008, you were a _____________ year.
(The above blank is to be filled with one of my dad’s favorite words. It’s a “guys” word. It’s actually not really a word. It’s turning an offensive noun into an adjective. But language has a job to do. I can’t actually write out the word, but you can believe me that it’s been that kind of year.)
Oh don’t cry, 2008. We’ve always been able to be honest. I want you to know what it’s been like.
It was my fault. I admit it. When this year started I knew my wife was headed to the Catholic church, and I was out of mind angry about it. As she moved toward actually joining, I got depressed, and I suppose I should say I spent most of this year depressed. I had a dark place in my personality that couldn’t deal with this change in her life. It changed my present and future ministry forever. Everything I believed about us as a couple and a family crumbled into dust. There was no explanation. I couldn’t believe God was letting it happen. I was angry. Bitter. Depressed. In denial. Angry some more. In the dark.
God and I had a good falling out over this one, but one thing I’ve discovered about God: he nods through whatever stupid things I say, smiles while I tell him the way it’s going to be, then keeps on pursuing me in love. He never gives up on me. When I’m ranting, he knows it’s a way of saying I believe but I’m mad that he isn’t on my leash. At the end of all the spit and fit throwing, there is God, hugging me, showing me hope and faith all over again.
He won’t let me throw it away. He’s like that. Even when what he’s doing completely destroys me, he still loves me and acts like it.
Wanna know something funny? I’ve got more faith and stronger, more settled faith now than ever. How did that happen? I don’t know. Somehow, all of this emotional and spiritual tornado has given me the gift of faith and hope in a way I didn’t have it before. I’ve never pictured myself with the faith to believe and be OK beyond what my own plans for the future could support. That’s changed. I may lose my job. I may never be welcome in some churches again. I may lose my health. I may lose the rest of my friends. I don’t want any of this to happen, but if it does, I believe my faith in Jesus is going to persevere, and his plans for our family will be good.
So maybe it wasn’t such a _____________ year after all? Is that what you said, 2008? Hmmmm. Maybe.
In the middle of this year, I received an amazing gift: an 8 week sabbatical grant from the Louisville Institute. It probably saved my life and my faith.
You see, I told some of my friends what I was going through in regard to Denise’s journey. That was a mistake. Someone remind to not do that again.
I soon discovered that a minister having a crisis doesn’t have many supporters and even fewer people who can start to understand what’s he’s going through apart from how it affects them. It’s really unfair to the average person to have to see someone they believe has all the answers sinking into the dark night of the soul. People don’t want to get near crumbling certainties. I don’t know how to ask for help. But God was still there. Seven people- seven- responded to my situation with unquestioned, undemanding, uncomplicated human compassion, making no demands or threats. God bless those seven people who showed me that Jesus is as real as ever.
What? Have I learned that any year in which you learn you have seven friends is a good year? I hadn’t thought of that. I probably should.
My sabbatical wasn’t understood by almost anyone. (It’s still never been mentioned here or in print.) The week before I left was one of the strangest weeks of my life. It was a nightmare of the unexpected and unthinkable. I’m still shaken by some of what happened. (Of course, my sabbatical orientation told me exactly what would happen and why, but I didn’t believe them. Smart guy, I am.) And then, there I was, alone with myself, God and strangers for 8 weeks.
It was just in time. I learned that God was still there….and so was I. My vocation. My faith. Prayer. The Holy Spirit. My marriage and ability to cope and deal. All were there.
Most importantly, I also learned that I could come to grips with Denise’s journey to Catholicism. It would be many more months before I would, but on sabbatical my compass was reset and I began to see that there was light around all of the darkness. The beginnings of a better place and the end of the darkness started on sabbatical.
In fact, I realized that God was doing things for me and for Denise that could not happen any other way except through this pain. It was scary, but it was OK. It is OK.
Now here I am at the end of the year, and I hesitate to proclaim myself “over it,” because that dark place in my personality goes pretty deep. But I believe I have moved on. The anger, bitterness and depression are out of sight in the rear view mirror, and my journey, like Denise’s, is now moving forward. The depression has lifted. My world is different, but I am not raging about the changes. I am seeing some of the new beauty in the landscape and the possibilities.
God has more for me. I can still preach to hundreds of students. I can still teach the Bible to students from all over the world. I am still the campus minister and I still have that vocation. If I lose it all, God is still in control. I have a worldwide audience of hundreds of thousands at IM. I have thousands of friends I’ve never seen. I may be in a painful place in the journey I imagined as a young Baptist preacher, but I am right where I should be on the journey from this world to the Kingdom of God.
So it’s time to say good-bye, 2008. Maybe you were God’s servant and I just couldn’t see it. Maybe I’ll look back on this year and be thankful for it. I don’t know. I’m probably wrong to say you were a __________________ year. You were my year. Like every breath, every day, every moment, you were God’s gift of life to me.
Barring tragedy, I’ll awaken tomorrow, and you’ll be gone. You’ll live in the memory of God and in the memories of all of us. We’ll go on, made different because we walked your path.
I’ve changed my mind, 2008. You were a good year after all. Thanks for being my companion. I’ll see you in eternity.
The Internet Monk Archives 
I am filled with love for each of you. Your are a community as God is the community into which we are all beckoned. Don’t ever stop your search for the missing ingredient in you and your churches. I found it after much effort. I didn’t leave my church but I did shake much dust from my feet. I found what was missing in a very unlikely place. It is in my heart right where God said He put it. I was led to it by, of all people, Jesus himself. The discovery started when I was ready to learn from Him and I “happened” to read the title of the first chapter in a book: “What did Jesus teach?” Huh, I already know what Jesus teaches, I thought. I was wrong. My knowledge of what Jesus teaches was only as deep as the ink on the paper. So much for my great teachers; the clergy of the various churches, the theolgians, the philosophers the modern day Pharisees, Sadducees and Scribes who lay heavy burdens on us. These are the only folks that anger Jesus for the harm they do to his sheep with their superficial understanding and preaching. It was St. Thomas of Aquinas himself who said to his amanuensis “Take all these books I have written and burn them for they are worth only but straw”. This happened after Thomas experienced Jesus revelation directly while offering the Eucharist. He never wrote another word of theology. He had received the missing ingredient. So, what did Jesus really teach? So few seem to know. The scriptures have at least ten levels of understanding, according to some medieval scholars. The ink was not deep enough for me. When I mined Jesus teachings, I encountered great treasures of understanding put there for me to find when I became humble enough to ask, seek, knock. I did have to sell all that I had intellectually relied upon but it was only the garbage Paul said it was. It is clear to me that there are some major problems with the translation, interpretation and application of Jesus teaching. The only way to know for sure is to judge by the fruits, as Jesus taught. The fruits of the prevailing churchy scene were not enough for me, or you, I gather. I had to let Him reveal to me understanding of what He taught and then I had live it to see if it worked, which it does. I found it amazingly simple. All great things are simple. Today, I hang out with churchy people in hopes of passing Jesus’ true teaching along. Though the churchy ones clearly love me, they always joke of burning me at the stake for my outrageous, but refreshing, insights into the scriptures and the current secular/religious scene. It must be good because even the churchiest people eventually see at least some of the light I must try to bring. It is said we are all created with a tiny crack in our skulls, that His light might someday penetrate. I am glad that I can readily admit I am the greatest of sinners and totally unable to make myself or anyone else sinless. It keeps me humble enough to remember that God created me worthy and that I cannot improve on His work. What I can do is unlearn what I learned from the ignorant and gullible people who taught me the great untruths they believed in about their and my unworthiness. Today I am a spiritual being first, then a Christian, then a church member.
Happiest New Year to you all!
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I’ve followed this blog off an on for a number of years and through an ongoing crisis of faith that seems to actually be where I’m supposed to be. i.e. I guess I’m not called to the “comfort zone” of certainty I was expecting. Your ideas have meant a lot to me and have really helped me define what I think Christ was and is trying to tell us. Thanks for being there for me.
I know you have written kind things about Catholicism in the past, but I was surprised to read the item about your wife’s conversion. As a Mormon married to someone who has gone back from Mormonism to her Episcopal roots I know a little something about faith changes and their impact on a marriage.
I was wondering if you (or she) have written about her reasons for becoming Catholic. I’d be interested in knowing what inspired her to go that direction. I have a lot of respect for Catholics and their heritage, even if I don’t totally understand the doctrine sometimes.
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I want to say something intelligent…but all I can say is that I felt the tears begin to fall. You’ve answered and filled some of the voids 2008 lefted me with.
Thankyou
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… and then I read your response a few posts above… wow – that, for you, is selfless sacrifice, – and I can see you are struggling. Much prayers for you in this 2009. I have not experienced shunning, in fact a third of my students (of the ones that do attend Church on Sundays) go to non-denom or Baptists churches, so I cannot relate at all except that being cutoff (have experienced this in family) is a very lonely thing. (My attitude is that I would rather see them worship God somewhere than to be wholey engulfed in secularism). My prayers that you turn to each other and God, to pull you through.
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Michael,
I’ve lurked around here a long time before ever posting. Your descriptions of inner self and your courage in sharing your struggles coupled with insight and writing with some meat makes this blog a refreshing place to visit.
Sometimes events that we have no control over shake our world. Some from a Catholic point of view may think that your spouse’s movement towards Catholicism is no big deal. But for someone who has dedicated his life to a particular faith tradition, whose livelihood is within that faith tradition and a decision like this could change what the future may bring – not alone the spiritual intimacy between couples – it’s huge. For me to relate I think my spouse would have to announce she was becoming not Baptist, but Mormon. There are a lot of things I can admire about that group, but there theology is something I can’t accept.
Going on retreat, especially to some of the places you named was probably the best decision –God was looking out for you. Whenever I need to turn lemons into lemonade, and I can’t seem to get past my own limitations and brokenness, time spent in quiet contemplation (for an extended period) seems to provide the same result for me as you described above.
I am glad to hear that you are again moving forward on your spiritual journey and that your spouse is now freer to move on hers as well. Growth is tough and sometimes I don’t always see the direction God is taking me (which is why I expend way too much energy opposing what I should be accepting). Peace to you…
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nowheretogo:
Though I’m not Roman Catholic I think it’s important to remember:
The RCC is NOT a cult. They believe in the Triune God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. They believe salvation is through the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. They believe in his Second Coming. They believe the Scriptures of the Old and New Testament, and so on. In other words, though we Protestants have very critical differences (seemingly insurmountable in many areas) with our Catholic brothers and sisters, they are part of the Body of Christ, the family of God.
So, as indescribably painful and insane as things may be, don’t walk out of your marriage. Christ is there somewhere, though for the time being, apparently hidden.
Your husband hasn’t denied Christ, though he has hurt you deeply. But perhaps the hurt isn’t meant as a slap in your face, but his attempt to follow Christ, though this seems utterly foolish to you.
Don’t give up. You are not alone. Walk in the darkness, Christ is there though you don’t see or feel him.
Peace.
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I have followed your blog for a couple of years now too…listen to your podcasts and have really enjoyed learning from you. I haven’t always agreed with you, but I could relate to a lot of what you wrote about.
I too have had a _______ year and actually they’ve been _______ for a few years now. I keep hoping it will get a wee bit better but so far that hasn’t happened. The only thing that has happened is that God has given me morsels of grace, tidbits, pieces…that I’ve devoured like a bread crumb path – hoping for more, not satisfied with even those little bits. He has provided threw those small graces, showing me that He is intricately involved in my life, but He hasn’t seen fit to reveal to me how long He intends to keep me in this what appears to be a torture chamber. I have been a believer for over 37 years and I would have to say that it’s actually been more difficult being a believer now than in all the previous 36 years. I don’t feel that I’ve grown all that much; I don’t feel that I’ve been all that victorious and I feel like I’ve been a sad representation of someone who’s been saved and redeemed by grace. I hope to get to see that light that is supposed to be at the end of some kind of tunnel I keep hearing about. I am so weary of the arm wrestling with God and I didn’t even sign up for that contest. I’ve just been keeping my head above the water for fear of sinking. I do hope I can get to the point of where you are – where nothing has been totally resolved, but at least you’re in a place where you can see God’s hand, his leading, his working, his love and care for you and still keep that peace, that heart for Him. I’m still in the “I’m mad at you God” stage, pouting and whining… but that’s just where I’m at right now. Thank you for being so transparent and open and I hope you know that you have been used of God to bless far more people than you will ever realize.
a pilgrim who’s still stranded in the storm….
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To Nowhere,
My prayers are with you. I cannot do or say anything except that I am your sister and I hurt for you.
My heart goes out to all who are seeking, and hurting. Some because those who are supposed to be the most supportive are the least.
Thank you, Michael, for being vulnerable and making a safe place for us to share our journeys.
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Sadly, you missed out on the wonderful blessings of 2008 which could have been yours if you only lived a more pure life. Obviously you have a root of bitterness in your life.
Through meditation on the 2008th word of Leviticus, I have discerned that all your troubles come from the second word of your second sentence (because “2008” starts with 2) – “dance”.
You obviously have not rooted out that stronghold of Satan in your life. Do not fear though; God is full of mercy and has sent me to help. By sending me a tithe, you can have your BEST YEAR NOW!
——-
Unfortunately, that was as bizarre as I could write, and I suspect there are groups who truly believe that.
As you’ve said and taught again and again here, God isn’t on our leash and He does continue to be there through our ranting and raving and doesn’t hold it against us.
If 2008 wasn’t your Best Year Now, it was a good year. May 2009 not be your Best Year Now either, but may it be filled with God. I do pray that it won’t be a year of pain either. In all, God will be there for you, even should the true “worst” come, whatever that may be.
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nowheretogo:
I know your road well. Many things you say very eloquently are quite familiar to me.
I can tell you a couple of things. I sought professional help. Just adopting that posture was good for me, because I am quite arrogant.
My sabbatical was essential. Not in solving things, but in giving us some space from each other and allowing me to breath a bit.
I have made a lot of sacrifices so this marriage will survive. People are shunning us. Opportunities are gone. We’re a freak show among Christian friends, but I am willing to make these and other sacrifices in order to stay with Denise. And I’ve had to embrace them. They are what God had for me. I didn’t want these things, but they are here. I can’t pretend. I have to find a way to make them work. For example, I cross myself now when Denise and I pray in the cafeteria. Everyone stares, but it is my way of meeting her more than halfway.
I’ve studied and studied with voices that have helped me become more sympathetic and understanding towards the RCC.
Perhaps most important, I simply have cried and emoted until there is nothing left. That dark place of response to all of this isn’t infinite. It nearly killed the marriage and YES I have hated myself, but the emotion is basically gone. I’m exhausted. Now I’m trying to put something else in its place.
If I leave my current ministry, I may become RCC for the sake of my marriage. I will NOT lose this marriage over this change. I understand that my wife couldn’t take evangelicalism any more. I don’t understand why this had to be the answer. Jesus has told me that this was the only way, and that he loves me, but I am the one who must choose to grow without mystical experiences, etc. I must see what has happened and choose necessary love.
Prayed for you.
ms
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over here in a mirrored universe, (husband left for Rome) 2008 is called simple “the end”.
Short of some miracle, there will be no 2009, 2010…for us; 25 years and THIS, of all things, our faith that held us together through everything life threw our way, now is the worm that has eaten away all that love built ?
I tried to follow close behind you since you seemed to not lose faith or love in your marriage in spite of incredible challenges, but I am so out of step I can’t even find the road.
I have spent more sleepless nights in prayer and tears than I care to count. I have lost so much and hate the person I have become, and worst of all , everything that made life make sense has fled and left chaos and darkness in it’s wake.
My bags have been packed for awhile now; I keep waiting just “one more day”, but the pain makes every hour seem like an eternity.
I can’t even answer the practical question, let alone the ontological question: “Lord, to whom shall i go?”.
And my dreams are filled with valleys of dead bones that won’t live; tombs where the sleepers are deaf to the call to ‘come forth; and a garden where the stone remains unmoved-and there is not even an gardener to tend the dead or mourners looking for the loved one who has seemed to have disappeared.
pray for me. pray for us
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iMonk,
I want to also echo my appreciation for your ministry here and for your frank honesty. I know the latter has caused you trouble from time to time, but that is the way it will always be with honesty. I can’t even remember the first time I ran across your site a few years ago, but I have enjoyed it in the highs and lows. I cannot fully relate to all that you have gone through in this last year, but I have prayed for you and been left in tears on more than one occasion at the hurt that was evident in your words and situation. I am thankful for all that God has done in this year and pray that He continues to minister to you and to those of us whose lives you touch here as well.
Shalom
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Shalom,M.S. You are a gifted writer. I came here first through your essays. The essay about the overturned boat in the back yard broke my heart. It is my story too! You speak to the soul. I started reading the blog after I read the essays, all of them.
This blog’s diversity has been a window to me. I have dealt with cancer and paralysis and car crashes and had a victory of sorts over most of it through my God. I say this with love, I would not trade with you or many of your posters. So many I read here have authentic pain originating from a place that should bring peace, the teachers will be twice judged.
The year may be over, but the story isn’t. Fight the good fight , remember your First Love, cling to His teachings. The Battle is the Lord’s, so victory is assured!
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Jenna:
You can say that whenever you want. Actually, you need a better word.
peace and prayers
ms
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Thanks for sharing. I like your perspective.
But, sorry, I’m still going to have to say that it was a ____ year
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Peace be with you and your family in 2009, Michael, from a longtime reader here. As others have said, your writing ministered to me in a year of great upheaval. Thank you for your honesty and your heart – and for always pointing the way to the Redeemer who lives.
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Welcome to 2009, Michael! I’m glad you made it.
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Michael, what a tremendously heartfelt, well-written, excellent post.
The reaction of your friends is saddening, but not surprising. Rare is the person, especially the Christian, who responds appropriately to suffering and hurt and pain without coming off as judgmental, or ______, or worse.
I do want to thank you for sharing part of your journey with us, and being blunt and honest about it. You’ve helped and ministered perhaps to more of us than you’ll know in this lifetime.
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January 01, 2009
Michael, thanks for being a light in the darkness – for many of us on this journey this is (to use an old hymn title) a haven of rest. I can think of no where in real life or the blogs where this can be found with as much understanding along with being able to share without fear of ridicule. It is always a breath of fresh air and most definately a light in the dark night.
That being said, 2008 has had it’s share of good, bad and confusion. Without question one of the highlights was the first meeting of the Fellowship of Baptist Pastoral Musicians in Asheveille,NC which was hosted by First Baptist Church and talking about fresh air…. it was all that many here long for as expressed in the Mainlines post and more. The great heritage of worship was presented and experienced, great hymnody, sacred music, Communion and more – I sat in the Friday evening worship service with tears streaming at the awe inspiring, God respecting reverance of the service yet in all that you could sense the incredible power and presence of God and this in a (dare I say it?) traditional service. It remains as one of the top higlights of the year along with a wonderful vacation in southeast Alaska.
As to the end of 2008…. this past holiday season has been one of the strangest I can remember however, not for what transpired between Thanksgiving and New Year but for what didn’t transpire. Usually there are really neat memories with family, friends and church that stand out but this holiday season was remarkable because nothing stood out – a haze seemed settled over everything. Even playing a Lessons and Carols service at the SBC church I play for (a nice change of pace for them)on Christmas Eve didn’t take on the wonderment and joy that I expected and wanted. We had a music guy leave in December after just 8 months and he was the 5th in the last 5 years (3 full time paid and 2 interims) yet it always seems, according the powers that be, the fault of all those guys which, BTW, I don’t buy but that’s for another time and post. I think part of the problem related to church is that fact that I see the end of my time there fast approaching and for many reasons – the Mainlines post pretty well covered many of the issues that will, most likely, end my time there along with that of my wife.
Well, as usual, my replies are too long but this is just a little of what 2008 was for me. There was much more, good and bad, that I could share – maybe another time. My best to all in 2009 – should be an interesting ride.
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Michael,
This post is simply beautiful. I have been following this blogpage of yours since I first really began/discovered the Blogosphere. You, as a person, as a writer/blogger are wonderful. The things Papa shows me through you…I cannot express my gratitude.
Thank you for sharing what you have been going through over the course of the year. It is helpful, as I began reading blogs in June, then began my own in August, so this back-story of yours is very helpful to getting to “know” you (at least more) better.
I look forward to more/future posts, my brother in Christ, as we Journey alongside one-another and all our siblings in His Great Family.
May you have a great 2009 to you and your family.
Blessings,
~Amy 🙂
Walking In The Spirit
http://amyiswalkinginthespirit.blogspot.com
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Michael,
At the end of each year I think, well, I made it through another one.
You made it through another one.
I really can’t tell you how much your expressions help me. You’re out there saying what you really think, in an engaging way. You’re just being you, although I know it takes lots of energy to write.
All I can say is thank you, and I look forward to a future with IM in it.
Carol
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I’ve been reading IM for some time now and am continually impressed with your ability to write through your struggles. I wish I could do that. I lost my job in June and spent the last half of 2008 looking for another one. Many things you wrote about were things I might have written if I could, if that makes any sense. Thanks.
Peace and blessings in the new year.
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Michael:
Please let me join the chorus of thanks for your work and honesty this last year (and other years).
As I, and so many of your readers can attest, there is nothing like hardship, failure, and humiliation to mature one’s faith. Truly, we must become like children to enter the Kingdom of Heaven; and nothing makes us more helpless and childlike than the repeated failure of our best-crafted plans and the brutal intrusion of the unexpected into our comfy little realities.
So, I am sorry for the hardships you were forced to endure in 2008 — and yet I’m not sorry, because you clearly drew the appropriate truths from the experience and emerged stronger in faith and spirit. Easy for me to say — you’re the one that had to live through it.
Peace, God bless, life goes on.
Steve
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iMonk, thank you for helping make 2008 a year where light shined in the darkness. It seems like I’m not alone among the commenters who agree that 2008 was a very dark year personally.
I liked what some person said above – you are Joseph in Egypt. Maybe it’s not your home and you don’t seem to belong there, but you are feeding the hungry. There are lots of famished Christians out there who need what you provide.
As proof of that, my first act of 2009 upon rising was to visit your blog. As always, I was encouraged and refreshed. I think this will be a good year, even if everything outside of Christ continues to come undone.
Concerning your wife’s journey, may I simply say that her poem on the Incarnation was one of the most wonderful things I have ever read in my life. I don’t know if she wrote that after becoming a Catholic, but only someone who loves the Lord could write such a beautiful piece.
“Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him” (from the book of Job). Keep trusting, Mike.
– treebeard
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Many have already said it better than I. Thank you for the gift you give of being real and straightforward and just transparent enough.
My own mixed feelings about 2008 have come upon me abruptly at the end. The details aren’t relevant here, but I find myself reeling here at midnight on the 31st…and encouraged beyond words by what you have written.
A thousand times, thank you.
Bless you.
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Michael, all words are trite words when you stand on the holy ground of another person’s refining. Each of us, if we’ve lived long enough, will face our ____ years and our _____er years. And that’s ok. I know now that my world can crumble, my soul can crumble and my faith be reduced to one furious “Why?” flung out to the universe, and God will still be God. The terror and the darkness, the tears and the sheer incomprehension are often triggered by thingsd that don’t seem all that awful to anyone else, but they tear us right open at the point of our greatest vulnerability. And the people around us who don’t “get” it are another dimension of the pain. but God is so close when we beat our fists against Him it is because we are held in His embrace while He carries us somewhere we never dreamed of going.
blessings on you for all the ways you have blessed me
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Thank you IMonk for living real in a world of fakes. This has been a tough year for me, too. My father died, my husband has changed careers at the age of 62, I’ve had 2 surgeries, my mother is declining into the pit that is Alzheimer’s. There are times when I’ve wondered where God is leading in our ministry.
You have shown that it’s OK to ask why. And your blog has given us a safe place to ask questions.
I pray that 2009 will be a year that draws each of us into a closer relationship with God and His people.
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I, too, am one who has listened in on the many conversations within this blog this past year and have received much encouragement and edification. In completing a year-end review for the ministry I am involved in, I was asked which leaders influenced me the most this past year. You, Michael, were one of those leaders. I have appreciated your “ruthless trust” (borrowing from Brennan Manning) and look forward to traveling with you in 2009…
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iMonk, I want you to know that you have been a gift to me this year. I too have gone through some major changes and, whether you knew it or not, you helped guide me through some fog and darkness at critical times. And you still are doing that.
Thanks. Happy New Year.
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I want to add my basso to the chorus and say thank you for being here IM, through your crises and some of ours. Reading your post, I was reminded of two quotes:
* Frederich Buechner, on his father’s suicide: “The worst having happened, there was no longer the worst to fear.”
* Steve Brown, on the Calvinist who fell down a flight of stairs: “Well, I’m glad that’s over.”
So here’s to a 2009 for you that’s a whole lot better!
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I’m glad you’re finding yourself in a better place as this year winds down. I could see all the emotions you describe in your writing even before you actually wrote about your wife’s conversion to Roman Catholicism. I still can’t really understand why that impacted you the way it did. But I can appreciate that it has been very difficult for you.
Here’s to 2009!
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I cannot begin to tell you what a blessing this blog has been to me this year. May 2009 be less ____________ for you. May it be full of joy and peace.
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Thank you for the time and effort you put into this blog. Peace of the Lord be yours next year.
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Surfnetter – nobody but my daughter, voted for O. Now you’ve given me another reason to think how __________ this year was. Thanks.
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IMONK..OR SHOULD I CALL YOU ‘JOSEPH?’
God has allowed you to dwell in an unfamiliar land. In Egypt….not in the familiar homeland…is where you ‘trust’ what you cannot see. In the foreign land is where you reunite with the brethren…. and deliver the starving from famine.
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I spent much of this year wrestling various types of disappointments and frustrations with God’s refusal to check my playbook for His actions. I learned so much about limitations and conditions I had given God, i.e. “I’ll You unless/as long as/if, etc…”
Your writing held my head above water at times. It challenged me to realize that Jesus never really promised me anything but Himself, and it encouraged me to realize that He is absolutely enough. In short, you reminded a guy in his early twenties who is preparing for vocational ministry that Jesus is the point, the center, and the vision.
I pray often for you that Father would send people to bless you as much as your writing has blessed me. Looking forward to knocking back some wine with you at Jesus’ table, after He wipes away every tear. Until then…
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Mr. Monk,
I have been going through a crisis of faith and other aspects of my life for some time now.
I cannot tell you how many times I came to this site and found just the right thing either from you or one of your respondents.
Many of the things you blog about bring up an anger and bitterness and depression in me that I hate. God is cleansing.
Thank you and your wife and sons and their wife and fiance for sharing your lives with strangers.
Here’s raising a glass (really a beer bottle) to 2009 and that it will be as terrible and wonderful as it may be.
Auld Lang Syne.
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Michael,
2008 was a ________ year for me too. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to get to the point of seeing it any differently, and it is looking like ’08 was just the warm up for the mother of all __________ years: 2009. I know you don’t know me, but would appreciate a prayer or two. And I’m really happy you’re seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
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I look forward to reading your blog in the coming year…may God bless you!
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What happened to you, pmonk? Did your cat vote for Obama …?;-p)
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Amen. It has been a __________ year. I’m new here as well and enjoying the journey you let us share im – and the thoughts and wisdom (most of the time) shared by those who post here.
Here’s to the most _________ year I can remember in sometime being gone. Whew.
now onto the rest of the journey.
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Wish I’d found this blog sooner – to think of all the time I wasted surfing eBay…
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I really wish I knew what went in the blank.
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It’s been a ______ year for some of the rest of us too. But your teaching has been a constant source of help and hope.
thanks
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Your reaction to the presence of a Catholic in your household sounds suspiciously like that of a possessed person when holy water is introduced.
Sabbatical, schlamatical … you might need an exorcism ;-p)
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I’m new here as well. I’m glad I found it. And I’m glad I left the maelstrom that is the “peace” of Protestant evangelicalism years ago.
I suppose everyone has a right to his or her feelings, but your rantings about your wife’s conversion remind me of one of the “tragedies of the week” an ex-girlfriend once related to me. It seems a friend she grew up with who she had always thought had a worse childhood than hers (and hers was no doubt a very tragic and traumatic one) had written a memoir that has received some notoriety. In it she thanked God and her parents for the wonderful childhood she had. I had to tell my beloved soon-to-be ex that I was sorry, but I couldn’t relate. I was happy for her old friend.
And I’m happy for your wife — and for you. It was a very good year.
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Given some of the things we’ve talked about, I’m really, really glad to hear this. Gives me hope too. Thank you.
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May the Lord bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you in 2009 … as he obviously has in 2008.
And I have to say, though I risk giving offense,
“God and I had a good falling out over this one, but one thing I’ve discovered about God: he nods through whatever stupid things I say, smiles while I tell him the way it’s going to be, then keeps on pursuing me in love. He never gives up on me. When I’m ranting, he knows it’s a way of saying I believe but I’m mad that he isn’t on my leash. At the end of all the spit and fit throwing, there is God, hugging me, showing me hope and faith all over again.”
… reminded me, in all the best ways, of the lines from one the all time great movies about a man and his faith: “I love you Lord, I love you. But I’m mad at you, I’m …mad … at … you!… What should I do? Tell me. I’ve always called you Jesus and you’ve always called me Sonny. What should I do, Jesus? This is Sonny talkin’ now.”
May he always call you, Sonny … well … unless of course you wouldn’t care for that. In that case, may he always call you Michael.
Happy New Year
And thank you for all that you do here at this blog!
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I have been blogging, and following your blog for about a year now. Reading, your journey over this past year, both the good and the bad, has been a real encouragement to me, and has done much to strengthen my own faith. I appreciate the times you have let me cross post some of your stories at my own blog.
God bless you in this coming year.
Mike Bell
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Thanks for sharing some of your experience, which to some degree reflects that of us all at times though for different reasons. Maybe a good word for all of us as we leave ’08 and head into ’09 comes from Julian of Norwich: “All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.” After all, God is control!
Like Boethius, I look forward to your posts in the new year.
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I am so sorry for the pain you have gone through. Those words seem so trite. I wish words could express how much I sympathize with you.
I am relatively new to your blog and you have ministered to me through it. Please be encouraged that the Lord is using you through your pain, in spite of your pain, and we will all benefit from everything you have learned and will continue to learn.
I am looking forward to reading your blog in 2009.
Shalom.
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A very nice post. Thank you.
Dennis Veith
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