When you’ve lived in an intentional Christian community for almost 17 years, you’re a pretty sorry excuse for a person if you haven’t thought about how your life has affected that community or how that experience has shaped you as a person. You live together on the same campus, eat together for most meals, live by the same rules, worship together, serve one another, labor together, suffer together, counsel one another, sin with and in proximity to one another and offer your particular gifts and ministries together. You make an impact and the community impacts you.
It’s not like church. Many a day, when times have been tough, I’ve longed for the old days when I worked on church staff and I spent only a few hours a week with members of the congregation. A couple of hours on Sunday morning and, unless there was an emergency, that was it for the week with most of them. I could even have friendships that were outside of the congregation and no one noticed!
But in intentional community, all of that sort of thing is offered up. I see my students and co-workers for many, many hours a week. And they see me constantly; ad nauseum, I fear. Sometimes when someone will be having a social occasion and we’re invited, I think to myself “These people see and hear me so much, if I show up for this, they will all be depressed.”
The past couple of weeks, my experience of community has been diminished by the loss of a friendship that meant a lot to me, and my reaction is to look at my life and ask “How did I fail?” Answers aren’t hard to find. If I were counseling someone else, I’d also say that’s a good question, but don’t go overboard with it. It’s likely I contributed to the failure of the friendship, but it’s also likely that there are entire sides to the whole business that I’m not even aware of.
But 16+ years of community is a different matter. If I were to leave this world tomorrow, what would I have contributed to this particular attempt to live together on the reality of the Gospel? What did I learn from God and how did I apply it? How did the whole experience make me more like Christ? Where did it show me how I’m not like Christ? How did it make me want more of Christ?
Here are some of the thoughts I’ve had as I’ve considered my own experience of Christian community the past 16+ years. Obviously, some of these lessons are found other places than in intentional community, but community is where I’ve found them.
1. It’s amazing how important it becomes to simply speak to another person; to give them the grace and dignity of a friendly greeting. It can become legalistic (there have been times I’ve waved at the same person 20 times in a day), but I don’t know how to over estimate the value of treating another person like they are THERE. Some of the biggest obstacles come when you feel people are doing small things that amount to “You don’t matter.” I’ve sinned a lot in this area, but God has put it in my heart to be more open in this area, and I’ve made slow progress.
2. Kindness. The most convicting sentence ever spoken to me in this ministry was an out of the blue comment by an older person who has been a mentor and grandparent to me. With sadness, but with firmness, she said “You aren’t a very kind person.” It was a lightning bolt. I wanted to defend myself a dozen different ways, but I’m convinced that would have been missing the point. Now, I pray for the kindness of Jesus over and over and over. My students know it is important to me. Of course, I’m deeply aware of the failure in my life that made that observation necessary on the part of my friend. How can I say Jesus is my God when I am not kind?
3. Staying with people who are not easy to relate to. In community, a person with chronic personality flaws has no place to hide. Christian community is about change, but not everyone has the same possibility of change. Some brothers and sisters are going to be challenging to love, to befriend, to include, even to sit and eat with. But over and over, God has pointed out those people and said two things to me. 1) You, Michael, are every bit that obnoxious and I love you. 2) That person is Christ to you. The conviction I carry over this one is heavy. The hard edges and difficult seasons of relationships are extraordinarily easy to walk away from, but I cannot. God hasn’t walked away from me, and people have loved me when I’ve been rotten. Did I learn anything from all that love?
4. Accepting criticism….from all sorts of directions. I’m an only child. Criticism doesn’t appear on my menu. I’m constantly surprised at how difficult it is for me to process criticism without the argumentative, defensive instincts I developed growing up with my dad coming to the surface. Don’t get me wrong: I have always felt a lot of criticism in the Christian community was unnecessary and hurtful. Still, no one living in community can declare him/herself immune from criticism, or determine where it’s going to come from. A fundamental of Christian community, at every level, is a recognition that the Holy Spirit can and will shape us with the tools available in community. If we declare ourselves above any work of the Spirit done through a brother or sister with their own flaws, we are refusing Christ himself.
5. Surrendering your own agenda. If you come into Christian community with your own plans and agenda, one thing is certain: you are going to be frustrated, and quite possibly disillusioned to the point of giving up. Community is not an effort to fulfill the plans and agendas of every member of the community. It’s a mutual embracing of the missio dei, the mission/Kingdom of God. Wow….has this been my adventure. I’ve always been a person with a clear vision and plan B was always a carbon copy of plan A. Whatever else happened, at the end of the day, I was going to do what I wanted to do. Now I sit here with absolutely no idea what I could possibly ever do beyond what service I perform for Christ in this community. I have held on to my agendas and fought for them. And God has sent the angels to tackle me, pry those agendas out of my fingers and toss me the Gospel. This is one area where I have the answers for you, but I’ll punch you in the nose if you try to do a reverse and apply it to me.
There’s more to this “curriculum” and I may write another post sometime in the future. For now, a prayer….
Father, I thank you for the privilege of living in community with other Christians for most of the past two decades. This calling has been a gift to me from your hand. I confess that I have been a stubborn project, but you know my heart, my flaws and my journey to who I am today. You understand far, far more of me than I do of you. You know why this community is the place for me, and I know that, in your love, this is your place to prepare me to be a vessel for your glory. I am grateful for the friendships I’ve enjoyed here, and I grieve those that have failed because I did not love like Jesus. I can see in my life the evidence of my sinful resistance and of your overcoming grace. I claim your promise to finish in me what you started, and to vanquish every enemy, even my own ridiculous refusal to allow your hand to shape me into the image of Jesus. I ask for a clear vision of Jesus, and his love for all of us in this community. Help me to love as he did, to love the people he loves, and to love with his willingness to sacrifice, suffer and do your will. As long as I can be useful to you, let me be exactly where you want me to be. Where I am grieved and disillusioned, renew my calling and commitment. When I need you, send me someone who can incarnate your presence, your words and your healing compassion. And may I be that brother for others as well.
For your glory and the Kingdom of your Son I pray. Amen. So be it.
The Internet Monk Archives 
I was actually kidding about the letter from Luther.
If anyone has anything to say in this thread that is substantial, please write me at michaelATinternetmonk.com and I’ll open the comments back up for you.
LikeLike
Im — So Luther is self confirming, too — along with the Bible confirming that it — and only it — is the entirety of the revealed truth.
And so Pepsi IS the real thing and we ARE in good hands with Allstate — I guess.
LikeLike
You can learn so much here at planet imonk.
I didn’t know there was such a thing as Luther’s Gospel. Strange, I thought there were only four.
LikeLike
Interesting, there’s a note from Leo as well….
Little Marty is to report along with Leo to detention hall. Something about there being hell to pay for all the trouble they each have caused.
They both should bring plenty of chalk.
LikeLike
Who doesn’t believe that symbols become real through faith …? Words are just symbols, you know ….
And you are looking at the Marian issue through a Protestant fundamentalist microscope. A keyhole looks like the Grand Canyon from there.
LikeLike
“Everyone agrees that Mary was a special figure — the difference there is a matter of degree.”
But it’s a fairly big degree. I somewhat feel you’d call the Grand Canyon a big ditch.
“At the Communion table it is one of timing — Does it become the Body and Blood of Christ before or after the faithful communicant eats it?”
Uh, no. Again a lot of us don’t think either of the choices you give are correct.
The Tiber is fairly wide from where I and a lot of faithful others sit.
LikeLike
Im — The people you have an argument with died centuries ago. Most the problems between the “two Houses” of Christianity are political rather than theological. Everyone agrees that Mary was a special figure — the difference there is a matter of degree. At the Communion table it is one of timing — Does it become the Body and Blood of Christ before or after the faithful communicant eats it?
The reason the Mageisterium has not invited your House to our table (and forbids us from dining at yours) is not because of anything you do or do not believe about the Gospel — it’s what Luther and others said about us and have refused to take back.
LikeLike
To say I somehow indicated I think we are saved by Luther is….well…..words fail.
Saved by Luther’s Gospel….yes. Big time.
Luther was personally anathematized by the church and never repented of his teachings and beliefs. If Catholics believe anyone is in hell, surely it’s an unrepentant personally anathematized “boar.”
I can’t agree with the RCC on Luther’s condemnation and excommunication because I agree wholeheartedly with Luther’s Gospel.
ms
LikeLike
Martha – Can’t we at least put Luther in jail …? 🙂
LikeLike
By the foregoing, I mean if one’s visceral reaction is “He can’t be in Hell!” Why? “Because he was right! and if he’s in hell, what does that mean for me, who follow him?”, then might I remind one and all –
– we are not saved by Luther, Benedict XVI, or even Pastor Bob, we are saved by Christ.
LikeLike
Besides, it might do the Protestant side no harm at all to consider, even briefly, the possibility that Luther might be in Hell (as against being convinced that My Guy is okay, but Their Guy – whether Calvin, Zwingli, or Arminius – is toast).
Dante had no problem whatsover in putting Popes in Hell (and relatively few clerics in Purgatory), but that didn’t mean he wasn’t a Catholic.
As an exercise in humility and a caution against presumption, it does wonders for the examination of conscience 😉
LikeLike
“I’d have to believe Luther is in hell, which is ridiculous.”
?
You are not required to believe *anyone* is in hell. We are constrained to believe that hell does exist, but we cannot speak with finality as to the damnation of any individual soul, since that knowledge lies with God alone (even – pick a villain – Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, Mao, Luther, Julius II).
Luther has as good (or bad) a chance of being saved as you, me or Surfnetter.
You would have to accept that Luther in some of his theology was mistaken, and obviously that’s not what you accept. For myself, I don’t see you converting to anything outside of what you are already.
LikeLike
from the AMiA networks page:
River of Life Network
The Rev. Peter Matthews
petermatthews@insightbb.com
LikeLike
“I’d become AMiA tomorrow if I had any prospects of ministry.”
if you mean the Anglican Mission in America (AMiA), i would think there are indeed prospects if you’re serious.
closest contact might be:
Email
petervance@alltel.net
Network Leader
River of Life: The Rev. Peter Matthews
(I’m Catholic myself, but keep up with AMiA as my wife’s there..in Church of the Holy Spirit – The River in Blacksburg, VA..part of Apostles network. The AMiA “networks” are sorta like dioceses)
the AMiA network page: http://www.theamia.org/networks/home
has list of network contacts
LikeLike
im — I’m torn between two things, in light of your protests against what you would have to accept upon taking the “swim”:
Either we should take up a petition drive to beseech our German Pope to release Luther from hell, since his predecessor Polish Pope let Galileo — the Italian who had proved the theories of the Polish astronomer Copernicus — out of prison, albeit posthumously (sorry Martha, but it must be said 🙂 )
or
We should add a line to the Nicene creed —
“We believe Luther is in hell,” right after “The Communion of Saints,”
Maybe we could add a prayerful cheer —
“We believe Luther is in hell (yay)” 🙂
LikeLike
Michael: you wrote
No, leave us who preach alone. Pray for us, but for the sake of the 20 atheist students I’ll share Jesus with tomorrow, leave me to do what I have the opportunity to do.
well said, and maybe the point is to let the Roman Catholics to do what they do well, and perhaps GOD has a Jesus shaped niche for each group. I think the error is demanding that one group, or one leader/teacher have it all figured out…and then we follow him/her/them. maybe this is not at all what GOD had in mind concerning unity of the faith. Maybe it’s actually a step backwards.
Love your teaching and your community of friends
Greg R
LikeLike
Anna A, thanks very much for your words of encouragement.
LikeLike
Martha:
I’m called of God to preach and I’m ordained by the church to do so. Renouncing ordination and despising the call are big deals. Some Catholics are so excited about my “imaginary journey to Rome,” that they don’t think about the fact that callings and ordination exist in our “ecclesial communities.” Just another silenced Protestant.
For me to become RC, I would have to embrace at least two things that are “not the Gospel” in my view: purgatory and RC view of justification=sanctification. Plus a bunch of stuff that I believe scripture teaches are completely wrong: Marian devotion, modern view of the papacy, indulgences, RC view of other religions.
Oh….and I’d have to believe Luther is in hell, which is ridiculous.
ms
LikeLike
Treebeard,
You were asking about leaving a close Christian community and wondering if that were a failure.
I would call that a success. I see that you were just trying it out, and discovering that it wasn’t for you. I understand because I am called to the celibate life. Once I reconciled myself to the Catholic Church, I did explore the religous life. Many of the convents tend toward social work, and that is NOT my calling. I am called more toward the solitary life. Am I a failure, no because I see how God is leading me.
Besides, we need good Christian men, and women raising children who want to love Christ. I have a hard time calling that failure.
LikeLike
[MOD edit: Thanks Joel. I’m not on that journey. But thanks for your positive comment.]
People: Stop discussing my “conversion” please.
LikeLike
What would I think of you giving it all up so you could go to Mass?
If you were convinced in your heart and your soul and your mind that the Mass was something you could get nowhere else, that the Holy Sacrifice was the summit of your week, that here is Earth raised up to Heaven and Heaven come down to Earth – I’d say “Go ahead.”
But you’re not so convinced, and I’m really concerned that you think hypothetically becoming a Catholic would mean abandoning the Gospel. Let me turn it around on you – what does that mean for those of your denomination who aren’t in the ministry? Does that mean they don’t evangelise, don’t share the Gospel, don’t preach and teach?
I don’t think that’s what you’re saying 🙂
Besides, guys, he doesn’t need to become a priest; he could be ordained into the permanent diaconate 😉
LikeLike
I’m not quite seeing where the current discussion relates to the post. So let’s get back on track or let it go quiet.
LikeLike
Joanie — Sorry to say a big part of it is pragmatic. The way the Church has evolved, it would be very problematic to have wives and children and divorce and child support, alimony and marital property laws in the mix. As it is priests and bishops can be — and are — moved around at will to put out fires and solve problems (and cover them up, as we have seen recently).
Don’t expect it to change very soon to any large extent.
LikeLike
It is strange, isn’t it, that an Episcopalian priest can become a Catholic and then, as stated above, can be a Catholic priest and “keep his wife” if he is married. So, WHY CAN’T Catholic priests marry in the first place? I can truly see the good in the men who choose to be celibate, totally dedicating their lives to working with the members of the parish. But making that the RULE limits good men from becoming Catholic priests and thus we don’t have enough priests now. I truly think it is sad. My goodness, the apostle Peter was married. What more do we need for an example, especially within the Catholic Church which views Peter as the first Pope (sort of).
For what it’s worth for those who don’t know me, I was brought up Catholic and would actually like to be more a part of my local church. I am hoping to go to some daily masses during Lent as my husband is opposed to my doing anything “church” on weekends.
LikeLike
Well — for myself I can tell you that it wasn’t preaching that eventually brought me “home.” I still balk at much of what is core Catholicism, as Martha can tell you.
It was my long experience with professing Catholics who for no reason except sheer intrinsic concern and loving kindness reached out to me when I most needed it — and then there were the things I heard and felt and saw that defied any other explanation except that God was actually in those things that Catholics believed He was in.
If this has been your experience you won’t be able to deny it forever. If not, God bless you and keep you.
LikeLike
“Cross the Tiber.”
I really don’t know. I rejoice when they tell me they are have come to believe Jesus is Lord and God, and want to publicly declare their trust in his death, resurrection and Kingship. From there, it’s not my call.
LikeLike
maybe (I’m tired)
LikeLike
I wonder how many of those you preach to eventually cross the Tiber.
May you should get a commission. 🙂
LikeLike
>You mentioned EWTN’s “Journey Homeâ€, so I know you watch it. You’ve heard the stories. It’s not a “thought process†— it eventually becomes a no-brainer.
I have watched a few programs and listened to the podcast. I had to stop. It completely destroyed me to listen to the reasoning. Just say “it’s God’s will” or “Jesus led me” and don’t offer these explanations.
Yeah, it would have to be, because looking at anyone who was once a preacher of the Gospel now on the sidelines, convincing themselves it was a false call and the gift disposable, is truly a pathetic sight. I can barely watch.
Woe is me if I preach not the Gospel.
Really, the whole idea of “stop preaching to the lost and come sit in our church an hour a week” really loses me completely. If all Protestants everywhere did what the RCC wants them to do, the preaching of the Gospel would be silenced in thousands and thousands of places.
No, leave us who preach alone. Pray for us, but for the sake of the 20 atheist students I’ll share Jesus with tomorrow, leave me to do what I have the opportunity to do.
LikeLike
if you’re not there
LikeLike
“My question is do I actually give up my ministry, calling, gifting, ordination to go to mass? If so, what’s the thought process?”
To be serious, the call to the Eucharistic table would have to be stronger than the call you felt to the ministry you’re in.
You mentioned EWTN’s “Journey Home”, so I know you watch it. You’ve heard the stories. It’s not a “thought process” — it eventually becomes a no-brainer.
It you’re not there, you’re not there….
LikeLike
My community is more like a village where we all are part of one missionary task force than anything else. The village is small, so proximity is a problem. It is a truism here that the hardest things about Christian community are often what you thought would be the best, esp living with other Christians. You think it will be heaven? Uh….consult Sartre. Sometimes, hell is other people…..who know too much, and whom you know to well.
The Benedictine virtues still apply: Poverty, chastity (love) and stability. We have to be poor and we have to accept that. We have to love one another and love our students. We have to overlook a lot and forgive a lot. We have to be stable, i.e. accepting the decisions of those over us even when those decisions are wrong or even painful.
Hardest thing for us has been no local church. My wife has resolved that but I haven’t. I am in worship a lot and I have many brothers and sisters that I pray and study with, but I miss church very much. Also very hard is the sense of futility that comes when you feel your work is for naught. We must always have the vision of Jesus in regard to measuring what is happening in our lives. Our kids grow up in a strange way, with its own strengths and weaknesses. Most do well. We’ve had our share of divorces. We have people who leave after a year or two or three, and we have people who have been here for 20 and 30.
There’s a deep sense that God has invested this place with his presence, and we are joining him in his work. I have lost all my desire for the real world (except for the arts. I do miss theater, libraries, movies.) I have a lot of fears for the future, but what can I say? I can preach to thousands here. I’ve preached between 1700-1800 times in this pulpit, usually to 400-600. Many have been saved. I have taught Bible classes to hundreds, maybe a thousand soon. If you long to be Jesus shaped, the mission is important.
It is a hard place, but it has been a good place. I’m grateful for it. I may be fired tomorrow or die or lose my mind and quit, but as of today, it’s been where God has met me and done the most for me.
LikeLike
Thanks for the post, iMonk.
I’m glad that you have found the grace to remain in the community in which the Lord planted you. I was in a Christian community for several years, including corporate living. There was no privacy, and no boundaries. Eventually I just couldn’t take it, and had to move on. I needed to be able to breathe again.
I’m curious what you would say to those like me, who tried the route of close-knit Christian community and realized they weren’t cut out for it. Even today, there are aspects of that kind of life I miss. Now I’m basically a typical suburban American with lots of time and space of my own. I still wrestle with whether leaving that community was failing the Lord, or whether He allowed me to leave. (That is, was my leaving that community His will for me or not.) All I know is, sometimes I just need to be who I am. When I was in that group, I felt like I had two lives, the “real” me and the one everyone saw. It’s good to be away from all the eyes and ears.
Of course, now I’m married with kids, which is a community life all its own.
Sorry for the strange ramble.
LikeLike
Patrick:
You didn’t answer the preaching and teaching part. That is the place I perceive God’s call and what the church (ecclesial community) ordained me to do. My question is do I actually give up my ministry, calling, gifting, ordination to go to mass? If so, what’s the thought process?
peace
ms
LikeLike
i think community is what im longing for and have yet to really find.
LikeLike
I guess it’s just a pipe-dream, then.
Or what I mean is that it is so lastingly wonderful when it happens out here.
LikeLike
Trouble is, Surfnetter, living where the people are good and kind because it is second nature to them would mean living somewhere away from actual human beings, who, I’ve observed in my long years on this planet, tend to be good and kind and vicious and indifferent and selfish and sacrificial and every other human permutation. And yet He came for us.
There is a series of books, pure fluff but lovely, called The Mitford Series by Jan Karon. It concerns the ministry of a sixty-something Episcopal priest in a small town (Mitford) who eventually marries, adopts a child, takes in a large stray dog, etc. It’s a gentle, humorous, quiet story of a place where the people are good and kind, or, when they’re not, they straighten out by the end of the books.
When the reality of life hits a little too hard (such as when one of our congregants was arrested as a pedophile), I need to go home to Mitford.
LikeLike
Surfnetter, MAN. What’s the point in being a flaky pseudo-Catholic heathen dad if you can’t even raise your kids to be good, equivocating moral relativists these days???
(SO KIDDING!!!)
Michael, it’s tough – I wish you took part in the sacraments the way we do, which is the only reason I can think of why anybody would become a Catholic, but to be honest, your blog would be a lot less interesting if you were “one of us”. Cultural Catholicism up close (and Catholic kids, if you did the same job you do now, but at a parish school) would probably depress you.
From a purely pragmatic, non-religious mumbo-jumbo point of view, you’re definitely better off where you are, and I really like learning about Evangelicalism through your eyes, but then again, lots of people seem to like becoming Catholic.
And it’s true – the Church wouldn’t be able to give you a real job. That sucks. Maybe someday we’ll have some kind of Vatican III that fixes that…
LikeLike
I’m with, you H. Lee (I mean now, not later on in Hell).
I want to live in an unintentional Christian community — where the people are good and kind because it is second nature to them, not a contractual requirement.
LikeLike
“As opposed to what? Confiscation?”
Divorce and annulment is the only other way right now. I went that route — for other reasons than to become a priest. You keep the kids (not to fear — they don’t dissolve with the marriage) but the wife has to go.
LikeLike
I’m in awe, Michael. I’ve been thinking of you all along as a preacher to a rural congregation. I had no idea you were living in an intentional Christian community! That’s got to be one of the hardest things in the world. Having to be nice to people, the same people, 24/7. When I die and go to hell I’ll be in an intentional community, with other people just like me, probably like Sartre’s Huis Clos (No Exit).
Golly, that got very grim very fast. What I meant is, I would think that living in such a community would be very close to the first Christian community described in Acts, and that for such a community to last would require all of those sacrifices you listed in your letter. And that very few people can make such sacrifices. So I salute you.
God once called me to be a nun. I said no. I did go down to the (Episcopal) convent and try to live the life for a week, to see if I could do it. The women were lovely — humorous and hard-working and just good people. The prayers and the chapel and church were places of real holiness. The work wasn’t too hard for me, and the physical setting was beautiful. And at the end of just a few days, I was ready to run shrieking out of there for the nearest sloppy, tacky ordinary restaurant filled with sloppy, tacky, ordinary people like me. I knew I just couldn’t live on that communal plane.
So again, I salute you, and all of your long-term communalists. What an amazing accomplishment.
LikeLike
Want to go into the fishing business? I could use a partner.
(looks good on a resume when you apply for being the Pope, too) 🙂
LikeLike
“Get to keep….”
As opposed to what? Confiscation? 🙂
I’d become AMiA tomorrow if I had any prospects of ministry. I’m quite serious.
LikeLike
Or — first become an Anglican priest, then crossover —
That way you can keep your wife and kids, and get paid for going to Mass.
(just trying to help) 🙂
LikeLike
I told you, Im — just wear a disguise and sneak in 🙂
LikeLike
Seriously, what do our Catholics think about a guy who has preached and taught for 34 of his 52 years (much of that time to people totally outside the faith) giving all that up completely so he can go to mass?
LikeLike
Anybody want to take any bets on which denomination, tradition, or lunar colony will end up with Surfnetter?
Any of youse non-RCs fancy taking him on as a potential convert?
Please? 😉
LikeLike
Surfnetter – back her up there, Patsy.
I’m not hoping, praying, wishing or smiling benignly and saying “Methinks the iMonk doth protest too much!” about Michael’s conversion. He is where God has put him. He says he has no intention of shifting. I believe him.
If and only if the Holy Spirit grabbed hold of him by the hair of the head and dragged him kicking and screaming into the Church, then I would say “Welcome aboard the barque of Peter – grab a bucket and start bailing!” However, I have no intention of stealing up behind him with a spiritual butterfly net and pouncing.
This is not an arena to try and get one another to jump; this is respectful discussion of what we have in common, and what are our very real differences, without rustling, poaching, or souperism.
I meant no more than what I said; his description of living in his community reminds me of accounts of religious life in our tradition.
LikeLike
(only kidding, im — I love you and your blog) 🙂
LikeLike
Patrick — As an aside — my oldest daughter was on the crew of the first Survivor in Borneo.
She knew for two months who the winner was and wouldn’t tell me. Do you know what the Vegas odds were on Richard winning? I could have made a fortune.
Do you think I’d be wasting my time on this blog if I were a millionaire …?
Come to think of it — why don’t you take up a special collection for that purpose. I promise I’ll go away if the price is right. 🙂
LikeLike
Michael , you wrote
If we declare ourselves above any work of the Spirit done through a brother or sister with their own flaws, we are refusing Christ himself.
I found it a sad and powerful juxtaposition that you would have this point and the loss of an important friendship in the same post.
Two kinds of sadnesses, and it seems God wants to get mileage out of both. He doesn’t always “play nice”. I relate to both your points, and at the same age, 52, as you, I’m slowly seeing some of my “losses” as gains…. but this is a slow awakening.
Thanks for your writing
Greg R
LikeLike
Kent:
Students and faculty have separate dining rooms next to each other during the week. One area on the weekends.
Worship together every school day (30 minutes. For 110 years.) Students worship twice on Sunday with several of us, but most of the staff opt for their own churches.
Kids in dorms. Staff in school housing, which is all next to our around campus. Most distant is a couple of miles.
LikeLike
Surfnetter, if this were a reality show, Calvinist Michael probably would’ve been way more interesting to watch than Catholic Michael. Nothing says “Things are about to get tense at the Ecumenical Beach House” like a lecture on how Totally Depraved everybody is!
And you’d be the guy everybody voted out of the House for NOT PICKING A TEAM and who the producers brought back at the end of the season to screw with the final four.
It’d be awesome.
LikeLike
Maybe that’s the best way to approach this — keep telling him “WE DON’T WANT YOU! STAY AWAY!!”
(I purposely left out the smiley face …)
LikeLike
Surfnetter,
I DO NOT want Michael to convert. He is doing excellent ministry where he is and who he is.
But teasing a brother is part of being a family.
(That’s why I put the smiley after my comment about Taize, which is both Protestant and Catholic)
LikeLike
Martha and Anna — I’m definitely not with you others hoping for Micheal’s conversion.
I’ve come to like him on the horns of this dilemma –it’s very entertaining. Should be a reality show. 🙂
LikeLike
Monk,
I really can resonate with what you describe. I surrendered to Christ and started out spiritually in a Christian community. I lived among “the good, the bad, and the ugly” for only 5 years (I was often one of “the bad and the ugly” unfortunately). I still believe that God works in spite of us not because of us. Living in such a community gives real weight to some of Paul’s instructions like Gal. 6:2 “bear one another’s burdens.”
As I reflect on your post I wonder if you feel like your relationship in the community is sort of like a marriage. That’s how I often felt.
LikeLike
Leaving here for the Monday afternoon staff meeting, I’m so glad I don’t have to live with the rest of the staff! I love them and all that, but …
LikeLike
Sunday morning was a message on how we tend to opt for authority, accomplishments, and appreciation instead of humility, faith, and obedience in Christian community. This morning was a section of Eugene Peterson’s [i]Tell it Slant[/i] talking about how we replace true unity with legalism that makes us appear unified or schisms which break down the Body of Christ into smaller homogeneous, more manageable chunks. Now this.
What is God trying to drill into my head?
LikeLike
Martha, I agree.
I remember that once a monk was asked about the hardest part of his life, “Other Monks.”
How true.
I do believe that Michael has mentioned doing a retreat or two at St. Meinrad. I’m holding out for a Taize group for him and his wife. 😉
LikeLike
Michael, thanks for this post. In your thoughts I recognize a lot of elements that are present on our campus – a small Bible college in Missouri. In oversee our music and worship dept., and many times I have felt the weight of relating to a student in the classroom, but also interacting with them as they lead worship or help in some other way. It can be kind of jarring to be their “professor” but also work alongside them in a ministry.
I do have a question, though – how is your school set up? Do the students, faculty, etc. all eat together during the week, and you live in campus housing? And you have worship services on the weekends?
If all these are the case I can certainly understand the challenges of living in authentic community. Thanks for this post.
LikeLike
JoanieD, here in Ireland we call what you describe “saluting” someone (as in “salutation”) and yes, you don’t need to do the entire “Hi, Bob! Howya doing?” thing, but it is considered very, very rude to pass in the street an acquaintance/friend/neighbour/third cousin twice removed/your third cousin’s babysitter without at least saluting them 🙂
Michael, what you describe sounds like the accounts I’ve read of communal living in monasteries and convents. Not that you should feel persecuted by Catholics lying in wait to pounce on your lightest word as an augury regarding your ultimate denomintional destination, or anything 😉
LikeLike
Monk,
Good thoughts all. But your number 5 observation stirred my interest.
How, in the context of “community”. does the organization bring focus and resources toward achievement of Christ centered goals? Too often it seems Christian communities have no mechanism for overcoming the tyranny of the routine of “how it is” in order to achieve what it may become. And I’ve seen group decision making grind to a halt as the group surrenders, all will and vision, to old line “keepers of the flame.”
LikeLike
Now if only our churches could have a sense of community.
LikeLike
I am a Mainer and I don’t know if this is “peculiar” to Mainers or not, but in lieu of greeting the same people over and over, what we do is lift our head just a little bit and then drop it down quickly, a reverse nod if you will. You can do that as you drive in your car too and a car passes you feel you should acknowledge in some way. While driving, a lift of one finger along with the reverse nod is a good thing too.
(I don’t know if this should have a “smily face” attached, because it does sound kind of funny, but it actually is also true!)
LikeLike
Yet another only child here, with all of the baggage you might expect, plus we lived a couple of thousand miles from any relatives. After my mother died, my Dad remarried when I was 17 and suddenly overnight I was the middle one of five children. Plus my stepmother had nine brothers and sisters whose families all lived within 20 miles of us. There was an “intentional community” if I ever saw one, and they helped make me into who I am today, fifty years later. Talk about your culture shock.
God has a sense of humor.
Your points are all well taken and hit home with me.
LikeLike
First, sorry about the friendship loss. I know that it hurts.
I resonate with the idea of being an only child and still having problems taking criticism. I’m in the same boat, with both.
Also, with the need for others to greet and to recognize who you are. I ache, just a little, over the fact that I sent, to a local co-worker at my parish, two items just for her. I haven’t felt up to asking if she recieved them, because of her personality. (She is good about sending out internet jokes, and apparently gets quite a few.)
But, oh well, that is who she is, I can’t change it, but it just means I might think a second time before I do it again.
LikeLike
Great post.
I found your point #1 to be of interest to me, because this has been something of an issue for me in my own relations with other people. I used to be the sort of person who would say hi to all of my friends multiple times in a single day, but then I learned (the hard way) that I don’t have to say hi to a person every time I see them. Imagine that; there are times when the best thing I can possibly do for another person is to treat them as if they aren’t there and they don’t matter to me.
LikeLike
Community is truly a curriculum for living the Christian life.
LikeLike
Thanks for sharing this. Even if I don’t live in a community, I still felt compelled and convicted by much of what you wrote.
Peace,
Josh
LikeLike