Hello, friends, and welcome to the weekend. Ready to Ramble?
The big news this week, of course, is the Brexit. Were you surprised by the results? I was. I mean, what is going on this year? Have we tried unplugging 2016, waiting ten seconds and plugging it back in?
Meanwhile, at the chunnel:
And India is blown away that you can get Britain to leave by just voting.
This actually came out a few weeks ago, but, like me, you might have missed it. I am talking about the emoji Bible. Now, of course, it’s not like every word is replaced by an emoji, though when they figure out what to use for “circumcision” that day may come. Rather, The 3,282-page book is based on a computer program that detects certain characters or strings of characters in the King James Version of the Bible and automatically substitutes an emoji, numeral, or other symbol (e.g., &) in their place. That’s why, for example, “twined linen,” from the section of Exodus about building the tabernacle, shows up as a wine glass sandwiched between a “t” and a “d.” The emoji for God? Two happy faces with halos.
Said one of the co-creators.”A major goal of this whole process was to take a book that I think is very non-approachable to lay readers and try to make it more approachable by removing a lot of its density.”
In related news, Apple announce seventy-two new emojis, including one of a pregnant woman. Apparently it’s the emoji you get nine months after texting, “You awake?”
The University of Missouri has published a helpful chart of microagressions. Some are reasonable and helpful. Others? Well, what do you think? Are these microagressions?
- Saying that people overcoming disabilities are “inspiring”.
- Claiming that, “I believe the most qualified person should get
- Asking a Black person: “Why do you have to be so
loud/animated? Just calm down.”
- Asking an Asian or Latino person: “Why are you so
quiet? We want to know what you think. Be more
- Television shows and movies that feature
predominantly White people, without
representation of people of color
An Oregon judge has allowed a 52-year-old retired Army tank mechanic to change gender identity. Not from male to female, or vice versa. That’s so old hat. But to a new, third gender. Jamie Shupe is now legally non-binary — widely believed to be a first for the United States.
As of now, the state isn’t fighting the court’s decision. In a few months, Oregon driver’s license applications will have new gender designations, in addition to male and female.
More than 30 people who attended an event with motivational speaker Tony Robbins have been treated for burns after Robbins encouraged them to walk on hot coals as a way of conquering their fears, Dallas fire officials said this week. Robbins conducts a variety of empowerment seminars — which can range from about $1,000 to up to $3,000 — and “Unleash the Power Within” is described on his website as “designed to help you unlock and unleash the forces inside that can help you break through any limit.” Hopefully they feel empowered enough to sue him.
Democrats held a big sit-in on the House floor to protest Congress’ refusal to vote on gun control. Or in other words, congressmen were tired of Congress not getting anything done, so they refused to get anything done until someone got something done. And by the way, you know the state of our Congress is terrible when you see a bunch of politicians sitting on their butts and think to yourself, “Wow, they’re finally doing something!”
House Speaker Paul Ryan referred to the Democratic-led sit-in for gun control as “nothing more than a publicity stunt.” He then reaffirmed his endorsement of this man:
It’s been reported that after leaving office, President Obama is considering owning an NBA team. Apparently he feels it’s his only chance to get someone on the court.
And Bernie Sanders admitted this that he “doesn’t appear” to be the nominee, but, just to make sure, he’ll remain in the race for three more years.
At a meeting with nearly 1,000 evangelical leaders this week, Donald Trump told the attendees that Hillary and Obama are not worthy of their prayers.
[…Anything] about Hillary in terms of religion. She’s been in the public eye for years and years and yet there’s nothing out there, there’s, like, nothing out there. She’s going to be an extension of Obama but it’s going to be worse because with Obama you had your guard up, with Hillary you don’t and it’s going to be worse. So, I think people were saying, some of the people were saying, ‘Let’s pray for our leaders.’ Well, you can pray for your leaders, and I agree with that, pray for everyone, but what you really have to do is you have to pray to get everybody out to vote, and for one specific person. We can’t be politically correct and say we pray for all of our leaders because all of your leaders are selling Christianity down the tubes, selling the evangelicals down the tubes, and it’s a very, very bad thing that’s happening.
Man, he sounds just like the Apostle Paul, doesn’t he?
I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all Godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. – 1 Timothy 2-4
In any case Hillary’s prayers were already answered when Trump won the GOP nomination.
Jerry Falwell Jr, of course, was one of those evangelical leaders, and is now of Trumps evangelical advisory board. After the meeting, Falwell tweeted this picture.
And yes, that picture over Becky Falwell’s shoulder is a Playboy cover featuring some porn star wearing Donald’s coat and apparently nothing else.
Falwell refused to apologize (shocker) and hit back at his critics (super-shocker) with this nuanced and profound analysis:
Honored for same hypocrites who accused Jesus of being a friend of publicans and sinners to be targeting me over a decades old mag cover! TY
The Playboy Magazine cover, however, did apologize, the Babylon Bee reports.
“I’m super ashamed about this,” the Playboy issue’s press release read, in part. “Donald takes tons of pictures with people in this office, and they’re usually friendlies—I wasn’t paying enough attention Tuesday afternoon to realize he was taking a picture with Jerry Falwell, Jr., son of political moral crusader Jerry Falwell, both of whom have spoken out against me thousands, if not tens of thousands of times, telling people to hate me while openly questioning the morality of anyone who would gaze upon my pages.”
“Frankly it makes me question Trump’s moral acumen, to have a guy like that in his office,” it continued, noting that Jerry Falwell, Sr., used to organize protests of Playboy back in the 80s, and that the magazine is officially forbidden from being brought on the campus of the college Falwell, Jr. runs. . . I assure you I’ll be more vigilant in the future about whom I’m being photographed with,” the magazine promised.
More headlines from Babylon Bee:
- Thrift Stores, Landfills No Longer Accepting Rapture Fiction.
- Joel Osteen Googles ‘What Is A Trinity’
- Local Calvinist’s Sense Of Superiority Visible From Space
- Pastor Packs Sermon With Record-Setting 78 Euphemisms For Sin
- New Prayer App Delivers Electric Shock Every Time User Says ‘Just’
- Dispensationalists Frantically Adjust End-Times Charts To Include Brexit Vote
It’s being reported that LeBron James’ 11-year-old son already has basketball scholarship offers from Duke and Kentucky. Hey Lebron, that means you can stop saving for college!!
Ticketmaster is settling a class action lawsuit for overcharging customers. As part of the settlement, they’re giving out $5 million in free concert tickets. Minus the $3 million “convenience” fee.
We end today with one of my favorite pieces. I would choose your favorite, but I don’t know who you are. And you probably like country or something. And you didn’t just spend five hours writing the Ramblings, did ya? No, I DIDN’T THINK SO. So I get to choose. And today it’s Holst. Enjoy!