
Not long ago, I wrote a Wilderness Update post called, “Square Peg Syndrome,” which resonated with many people. Consider this a follow-up to that piece.
Yesterday, I read a similar article called, “A Few Things I’ve Learned as a Christian Outsider,” by Benjamin L. Corey over at his blog, Formerly Fundie. He wrote it for those who, like him, “feel like outsiders– out of place everywhere, at home nowhere. . . . exhausted, and on the margins of faith.”
Here are a few of the lessons Corey says he has learned as a Christian outsider:
- I’ve learned to get my identity from Jesus, not the tribe.
- I’ve learned that the key to happiness is contentment.
- I’ve learned who my friends are.
- I’ve learned to forgive– not out of desire, but necessity.
- I’ve learned that sometimes theology becomes more important than people, and that I don’t want to ever be on the wrong side of this equation again.
He concludes with these words:
Sometimes I think that those of us who feel like outsiders focus a little too heavily on the negative, so these are some positive things that I’m learning– things that are helping me feel like I’m slowly finding life again.
What things have you learned from life as a Christian outsider?
Good lessons. Good insight. Good question for us.
If I were to answer, what would I say? How about you?
Let me share three simple lessons, then it will be your turn to respond.
1. I’ve learned that “church” (as we do it) means different things to me in different seasons of my life.
In our culture, church as we have organized it is primarily a young person’s place and an activity center for families. Especially in more suburban settings. Especially in larger churches. Keeping a lively program going for families, children, and youth is essential in the competitive ecclesiastical atmosphere where I live, just a few notches from the buckle on the Bible belt.
Therefore, I don’t feel at home at church as much as I used to when I fit the demographic. Now I want depth, silence, beauty, an emphasis on formation and contemplation, respect for tradition, leisure for conversation, questions, and reflection. I don’t care so much about action, and when I do, I would prefer meaningful missional works that actually accomplish some good in the community around us, not mere Christian activity or events.
But you gotta pay the bills, right? So we keep bringin’ ’em in and meetin’ their needs.
2. I’ve learned that what I really understand church to be is a group of people with whom I share a common life in Christ.
That specific formulation came to me as I was driving home from the worship service last Sunday. I like my church all right. The liturgy and weekly participation in the Sacrament has been a tremendous boon in my life. There are lots of good people there. But most are not our neighbors, the majority live in other communities, they have their own established friendships and activities, and so do we. We are not enmeshed in each other lives daily or even regularly, except for attending Sunday worship and perhaps another church event or two.
This is so much different from when I was a parish minister, especially in congregations where we lived in a parsonage near the church building. We were seeing people from the church every day, having conversations, aware of what was happening week in and week out in each other’s lives. I really miss that about being a pastor . . .
Believe it or not, what happens for me here on Internet Monk is as close to that as anything I’ve experienced in quite a while. So much so that, on our recent trip when we visited Ted’s home in Maine, I felt like I was meeting someone with whom I shared a true bond. Same with Randy in New Hampshire. Same with the other writers and colleagues such as Jeff, Denise, Dan, Lisa, Damaris, Joe, Adam, and others that I see infrequently but keep up with through this forum. I used to say regularly, “This is not where I live.” Now I’m starting to think that cyberspace will be as personal and communal as we make it.
At any rate, I don’t have, and I miss that regular face-to-face community in Christ.
3. I’ve learned that the God of the church is too small, too tame, too provincial to deserve propping up any longer.
By the “God of the church” I mean the God we have largely created so that we can feel comfortable in our church cultures. As the modern prophet A.W. Tozer once said:
The God of the modern evangelical rarely astonishes anybody. He manages to stay pretty much within the constitution. Never breaks our bylaws. He’s a very well-behaved God and very denominational and very much one of us, and we ask Him to help us when we’re in trouble and look to Him to watch over us when we’re asleep. The God of the modern evangelical isn’t a God I could have much respect for.
This is, I think, what many of us feel when we say, “I’ve outgrown the church.” There is a sense, of course, in which that is impossible, and such a statement teeters on the edge of pride and disdain for others. But I don’t mean it that way at all.
I mean that, as one who has become an outsider, I have seen a bigger God. I have seen the Father’s love at work in Jesus Christ through the Holy Spirit in ways inaccessible to those who hide behind church walls and separate themselves from “the world.” There is a parochialism, a separatism, a Pharisaism, if you will, that keeps people from seeing Jesus in any setting outside what they deem “holy.” But there are aspects of creation, common grace, wisdom, and the imago Dei so powerful and real in the most unlikely and unexpected places all around us every day! I hunger to explore them, but they have no place in the constricted imagination of our holy huddles, so one must become an outsider to access them. And once you have tasted the feast which God prepares for us in the midst of the everyday, the thin gruel of what passes for Christian thinking and good works in many of our churches can almost seem repellant.
No, I don’t think I’m “too good” for the church. But on the other hand, I don’t think many churches are doing anyone any favors by conducting business as usual. Michael Spencer found himself in the same wilderness, and urged us all to avoid “Mere Churchianity” like the plague.
Anyway, I may not be a total “outsider,” but my edges are still far too square to fit most of the places I see around me.
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Header Photo by Dana Killam


This casts an entirely different light on the Reformation. How did Luther view his reforming efforts? What were they intended to achieve? What did he hope would be their outcome?













