“God, loving what is not yet and putting faith in us, continually begets us, since love is what begets.†— Carlo Carretto
If love is what makes us, then we all, at least in the infinite mind of God, are fully made because God so loved the world. Why then do we often feel undone, incomplete, empty and unfinished? Why do we struggle to perceive God’s love and also to demonstrate it to others? Aren’t Christians supposed to have that issue resolved – to be assured of his love – to have that God-shaped vacuum in us fully filled, satiated, overflowing, satisfied and also to be channels of love for his people?
As a young girl growing up in the midst of alcoholism, divorce and depression, I launched into life seeking completion in relationships, learning, work and even a newly minted relationship with Christ. At that point, Jesus was in a nice, neat little category by himself, just like everything else. It’s the way I coped with an unhappy home life – keeping it all separate. I had a box on my shelf for everything, including my relationship with God. In each box were my ideas about how to succeed – work hard and save money, study much and go to college, don’t rock the boat at home and hope for one sober, happy evening, read my Bible and try to be perfect.
That changed in 1985 as I lay in bed ready to die from depression. I had failed at doing my best to never fail. Deep inside I heard him whisper, “I love you.†That revelation was pivotal. I’d read it in my Bible and heard it from the pulpit. It wasn’t new information, but somehow it was newly perceived. That knowledge touched a part of me that had never been touched before and was an absolute gift from the Holy Spirit. From that day forward I quit searching anywhere else but in Christ for completion. I knew in my knower that it was with him. I still know it.











