Guess What Grandpa Bought From Wal-Mart?

walmart_casketsUPDATE: Support the monks of St. Meinrad, who make a great wooden casket/urn at a reasonable price. Will look much better under the tree 🙂

Stand by America, Wal-Mart is selling caskets. And urns. I’m not joking.

Any of you with a small funeral home in your community might want to consider two things: Just how far in advance you want to buy that pre-planned service and what is the meaning of the phrase “Some unanticipated future charges may be necessary.”

What Wal-Mart has done for Main Street USA in small town America it is now going to do for the funeral industry in those same towns: deliver what the public wants. irresistably heap. (If you know anything about casket prices, these are quite inexpensive.)

If you buy stock, I’d take a look at whoever made this deal. It’s a brilliant piece of 21st century capitalism. America is SO ready for the Wal-Mart casket.

If it bothers you to spend eternity in a box made by children in China, you might want to see if you can special order.Continue reading “Guess What Grandpa Bought From Wal-Mart?”

Why Electing Palin or Huckabee Makes More Sense To You Than Reforming Your Church

dubleImagine, for a moment, that I came to your typically conservative evangelical church and asked to visit with your young people, high school through young married couples. I want to ask them some questions.

-What do you think of the President?
-What is your position on abortion?
-What do you believe about the legalization of gay marriage?
-Are you in favor of any version of Federally controlled health care?
-What is your church’s definition of the inspiration and authority of scripture?
-What is a brief definition of the Trinity?
-How does your church’s beliefs differ from Roman Catholicism?Continue reading “Why Electing Palin or Huckabee Makes More Sense To You Than Reforming Your Church”

The Evangelical Liturgy 20: Silence

silenceSilence has been banished from most contemporary worship as if it were an outright evil, yet what modern worship consumer is not likely to come back from a monastic retreat saying “I loved the silence?”

The Protestant liturgy has no tradition of silence, but periods of silence have often been incorporated into Protestant worship.

For example, the pastoral prayer is sometimes preceded by silence. Sermons can be followed by silence. Some congregations have announcements well before the prelude, then call for relative silence during the prelude. The basic idea of the prelude and/or postlude may involve silence for some churches.Continue reading “The Evangelical Liturgy 20: Silence”

When Bad People Need A Crutch

I’ll never pass as an apologist for Douglas Wilson’s (or Mark Driscoll’s) views on gender. I was turned off to his rhetoric long ago. At the same time, I’m the kind of person who can not like his views on gender and very much like his debates with Chris Hitchens and his books on church life. I’m the guy who has the views on grace that you like and the views on inerrancy you don’t like. I am all about the Gospel and I don’t believe in the rapture. I’m the guy who got followed to the car a few months ago by a good friend who said, “You’re such a good preacher; it’s a shame that you’re so wrong on Genesis.”

I have things I like about Piper and things I don’t. Same with Driscoll. Same with Wright. When my book is out there, it will be the same with me if you’re actually thinking and not just being a shill or a sheeple.Continue reading “When Bad People Need A Crutch”

Today’s Three Push-Button Words

wordse
Despite what you may have read in the kinder, gentler corners of the blogosphere recently, you would all be surprised how un-contentious I am most of the time. In my real life, I regularly run from situations where I’m being pressed for my opinion. I much prefer print as the medium of debate. In real life, I’ll nod, blink, shrug, excuse myself, suddenly remember an uncompleted task, etc. rather than get into a tug-of-war about who is right.

But I’ve also learned what it is that snags me, and it’s not always the big issues. It’s usually one word. Yes, one word can throw my switch and give me an almost irresistible yearning to argue my point.

Three examples from the last 24 hours:

1) A debate is going on several places on the blogosphere around this question: “Are the doctrinally obsessed missing the heart of Jesus?”

My answer is a simply “yes,” and the reason is one word: obsessed. You said it. Not me.

Obsessed isn’t doctrinally interested, doctrinally aware or doctrinally correct. Doctrinally obsessed isn’t someone who makes doctrine a priority or who even brings it up frequently. Obsession is….obsession. Single mindedness. Idolatry. Loss of perspective.Continue reading “Today’s Three Push-Button Words”

The Evangelical Liturgy 19: The Pastoral Prayer

pprayerIn his excellent book, Mother Kirk, Douglas Wilson makes a marvelous defense of the ministry of the written pastoral prayer. The average reader will say “What is he talking about?” And that is the problem: an important area of worship that is the responsibility of the pastor has been very neglected. So much so that the suggestion of doing the work of restoration sounds almost bizarre.

Protestantism has plenty of tradition in this area, from the lengthy prayers of the Puritans to the published prayers of Charles Spurgeon to the collected prayers of Walter Brueggemann.

It should be obvious by this point that the evangelical liturgy requires more than just an understanding of liturgy. It requires a work ethic; a workmanlike approach to the liturgical aspect of creating a congregational worship experience.Continue reading “The Evangelical Liturgy 19: The Pastoral Prayer”

iMonk 101: Baptist Holy Days of Obligation

My wife’s journey to Catholicism has inspired some fun around here. Here’s a post from August 2008 that generated a hundred comments at the time. Surely worth another go around.

My wife sent me an email this morning.

I keep forgetting to tell you that there’s an obligatory Mass this week (for the Solemnity of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary.) St. Ann is celebrating Thursday at 6:00 p.m. and St. William Friday at 6:00 p.m. Assuming we are going to the waterpark Thursday, I’ll go to church Friday.

Now if you don’t know what this is all about, you should stop by Wikipedia and get educated.

For our Roman Catholic friends, here are the Days of Obligation:

* 1 January: Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God
* 6 January: the Epiphany
* 19 March: Solemnity of St. Joseph, Husband of the Blessed Virgin Mary
* Thursday of the sixth week of Easter: the AscensionContinue reading “iMonk 101: Baptist Holy Days of Obligation”

Preaching For Grown-Ups: Mark 10:46-52

I want to thank everyone for your input. I felt a bit overwhelmed. This text needed a small series. I tried to make some judgments about what my little congregation needed. Visitors today. Very well received. Many of you were my partners in preparation. I enjoy the lectionary’s ability to create a community around a text.

These sermons are NOT available at itunes. You can only get them here at Internet Monk.com. These are messages I preach as a supply preacher at a small Presbyterian Church in our county.

Preaching For Grown-Ups: Mark 10:46-52.

Internet Monk Radio Podcast #162

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Open Mic at the iMonk Cafe: Lectionary Lesson Blahs

openmicMark 10:46 Then they reached Jericho, and as Jesus and his disciples left town, a large crowd followed him. A blind beggar named Bartimaeus (son of Timaeus) was sitting beside the road.47 When Bartimaeus heard that Jesus of Nazareth was nearby, he began to shout, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”
48 “Be quiet!” many of the people yelled at him.
But he only shouted louder, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”
49 When Jesus heard him, he stopped and said, “Tell him to come here.”
So they called the blind man. “Cheer up,” they said. “Come on, he’s calling you!” 50 Bartimaeus threw aside his coat, jumped up, and came to Jesus.
51“What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked.
“My rabbi,” the blind man said, “I want to see!”
52 And Jesus said to him, “Go, for your faith has healed you.” Instantly the man could see, and he followed Jesus down the road.

Sunday’s lectionary lesson for the Gospel is a little “blah” as a preaching text. I’ve heard healing and miracle stories allegorized, turned into prosperity Gospel texts and used for every kind of questionable lesson on faith. I think we can do better.

I have some individual ideas, but none of them are really revving my preaching motor this week. So you take a swing of the bat.

What can we do with Mark 10:46-52 as a text for preaching the Gospel? Ideas. Illustrations. Applications. Themes. I’m open for suggestions.